Here’s Chapter III. I like going back and rereading my journal entries because I can see what I’ve accomplished and I can formulate some achievable goals and not just stuff of daydreams.
Beginning Mar 1, 2012
Nutin of any real importance! Just wish I could get my head screwed on straight and vision was good. Then, then I could really handle the physical challenges ahead without too much problem. I may never be able to run again but I could at least drive and do some long walks, fast walks, participate in a half marathon or an ultra and not have to depend upon someone for every time I need/want to go somewhere. That’s enough bitchin for now.
Once in while Bella does like to sleep on my bed. Problem is she takes up her half in the middle and a 112 pound dog is not easy to move.
Mar 2 Friday Last night the noise in my mind was not there, it was quite but it came back today. Been mostly on today but this evening is fairly quite. Oh, that feels so good when it is quite! This week has been kinda a lackluster week so far as doing much PT, just not with it. I am working on some micky mouse bars for the treadmill so I am not hunched over. Looks like crud but it is really just for balance, not to hang on for dear life.
Damn, I am tired of not being me. Just feels like my head is not on straight, semi off balance, vision sucks, hip does not really hurt a lot– just very, very stiff, ankle huts – especially at night, feet and legs numb Yeah, maybe one of these days it’ll be better Noise in head at least abates for a while and then returns, better than before when it was literally 24/7.
While I think about it, Mick, Sal, Austin have been a huge help in getting me to the doctors and PT. Nickolas, too. Don’t what I would have done without them except to maybe have a huge taxicab bill. Mick was especially nice in seeing me a lot while I was in the hospital. Oh, can’t forget Haley and she did chauffer me around a few times. Nancy, of course, was with me a lot but having a very demanding job really put a demand on her between and her job. At least the hospital part is over with and I hope for good!
It’s tough not working and with Nancy having to pay my bills and Haley and Micki do require some assistance so it is really can be a financial challenge. I would have done a lot around the house like carpet cleaning, small repairs, keeping the yard and pond up, maybe more staining the woodwork etc. I did put some black plastic out over a couple of areas where I want to grow some tomatoes, bell peppers and the like. It’ll be time to plant in just a few weeks and the weeds should all be dead. Just moving some really small rocks gave me a good workout.
Tired of not being able to sit comfortably w/o my legs going to sleep, just don’t have enough padding on my skinny butt! Have to take a cushion almost everywhere, it helps immeasurably! Maybe I need to do the Brazilian Butt that’s advertised on TV!
Sunday Mar 4 did ¾ mile around the block with cane. Was in a funk and the walk helped a lot and actually worked up a bit of sweat. J However, people are always telling me “You are looking good” and I may occasionally walk semi-well but I really don’t feel it. Maybe my expectations are too high…and impatient but I really think not.
Tues Mar 5 Big thing for the last several days is to revise the health issues list. I did revise for Dr. Kreidi and it took two pages to list all the issues I face and for a brief summary. As I mentioned before, two or three issues I could probably handle w/o too much problem, but everything at one time is a bit much. But…. I have no choice to try to move on.
As I look around the house I see wheelchair scuff marks all over and a little damage to some corners. Did not mean to but I sometimes drove the wheelchair like a drunken sailor and it means everything needs to be painted/repaired. I would have done every bit of painting/repair before the accident and now I am not about to climb 15 feet up to paint 18 ft tall walls. Just not gonna!
Mar 7 Wed hearing noises seemed to be louder this morning, really starting to come and go and good or bad? Just happened to pu a copy of Neurology Today at Dr. Kreidi’s office and saw an article about tinnitus. That is very likely what is bothering me. Looked for specialists in OC found one I really want to go see. I go to Dr Asher later today about my foot and the tinnitus and so I see if I can get a referral. Most important is my foot, hurts a lot and especially at night and don’t want to take pain meds so I just make do with Tylenol. The only thing that is a real concern is we’re going to Globe, AZ tonight to see my sister in law and others for a family reunion; I don’t want anything to interfere with the trip!
March 13 Tuesday Saw Dr. Asher last week and he is giving me meds for the tinnitus so we’ll see. Nothing shows on the ankle x-rays, still feel like something is going on but he is giving me a PT referral for it. We see in a few weeks.
The trip to Globe is over with some interesting highlights: A trip to a real Apache medicine man who said prayers for me. It was both Christian and I with some of the old Apache chants. The trip did reinforce the fact I have problems sitting almost anywhere. A good easy chair is about the best.
On the way back we stopped at the Phoenix Botanical Gardens and I got a lot of walking in and we also climbed Mt. Prado, The Hole in the Rock. For most, an easy walk up to the first hole, I did use a little help from Nancy and younger Dan. It was a good workout. It would have been easy but my vision is still crappy, especially with sunshades.
The deposition with Ron has been postponed/canceled. It may be a good thing, I just don’t know. I do know I don’t take chances while crossing streets, just don’t take chances like that, just don’t. Be so glad when I get a little confidence back.
Head really feels it’s not on, can’t describe it. Kinda like eyes do not really want to focus and kinda woozy. And ankle hurts, maybe a long hot shower in few minutes will help. I might check with Darla to see if acupuncture will help. A few days later: No response, it could have been easily overlooked and I will not pester her.
I vividly remember being in the rest home and just learning how to walk again with a walker! I wanted to try a step so they had me walk over to a platform that was maybe 2 inches, I could not even do that. Not even 2 inches with a walker and now I can go up and down at least 1 flight of stairs. It’s hard but I can do it. Walking 40 or 50 ft across the room was a huge deal, now I should be able to do a mile or so w/o too much of a problem. Problem is, that is just barely a start, and I want to be able to walk a half marathon, with hills. Now I can down get down on the floor for exercises and get up all by myself. It feels good to be able to do stuff on my own.
3-15 Thur Walked twice today: 1 ¼ and then ½ mile with Heidi. Time is definitely quicker and a bit more tired. I am using cane to make Nancy happy and it does help on the longer walks. Looks like I am under 9:30 average for the quarter mile block which is really good. When I can do 8 min lap or under consistently I’ll be really happy. I checked on old times and back in Oct it was taking me 13 minutes to do a ¼ mile
3-16 Friday Today was a good day: Walked over to Lemon Ave and watched the cars go by. As much as I rather not I did use a cane and for just in case someone is watching me. I’m appreciating the hill in the alley and Hillcrest Ln. Glad I did it today for tomorrow the weather might be cruddy with a storm moving in.
Tinnitus seems to be a bit worse today and just started taking the medicine Dr. Asher prescribed for the tinnitus. Oh, did go the orthotics place today and no longer need the wedge under the brace. Now it feels like I no long have high heels on the right foot and now walking in flats. Weird, but I’ll adjust soon enough.
Random thoughts: I remember the first time I sat in the easy chair, I could not get up, I needed help and someone was there to help me up, I think it was Al, Pats old boyfriend.
Found out that Nancy is going to Hawaii in a few weeks and I don’t mind at all, she is under a lot of stress and needs the R and R. Hope there is enough money for me to try a bit of acupuncture for legs and hand. It’ll probably take several treatments but if it works, even just a little, it will definitely be worth it. Looks like the sauna is still a ways off, maybe this summer. Everything I would like to have is to help me get better, to quit hurtin, be more of the old me and not for the R and R. If there is R and R involved that would be great but not the real purpose.
Found out there is an infrared spa place in Costa Mesa; I would like to try it out to see how it works. Problem is that it is in Costa Mesa and a bitch to get to. One of the things I’d like the sauna for is weight loss. I really don’t want to be a pot bellied stick man and there should be multiple benefits for my shoulder, hips, ankle and everything else. And if Nancy would ever use it she’d probably gain multiple benefits from it too: weight loss and just feel lots better. Somehow, I don’t think Nancy would ever poke her head inside, just not her thing.
This Wed, Mar 21, is a momentous day: One year I woke up from a 2 month coma. I remember nothing of it, just what I’ve been told. Nancy was standing beside the bed and I kinda grabbed her hand, woke up and said “I love you” What a great thing to say after all what she had been thru for those 2 months. She’ll never forget that day!
Just got thru doing a couple of pt exercises: 10 sit-ups, 15 leg lefts with 5 pounds each, 10 pushups– just barely and they were semi pushups, I know I am getting stronger but damn it, I am always tired even doing practically nothing and it takes longer to recover. I really am getting better but I just want to get back to me, like I was. I know full well that’ll not happen but I can make the best of it. I do like going physical therapy, I need it lots and it does help and want to go as long as I can.
Tuesday – I took a long walk, 2 miles total in 1 hour 22 min. so it was a good and tiring workout. Longest both in and distance. Plus I shampooed the dining room carpet and that alone was a good little workout.
Sat. 3-24 Head noises seem to be really loud at times, not sure if I could really take part in a conversation. However, it comes and goes, like right now it is not a real problem but vision still sucks. Some kind of test probably would not show anything since it all seems to be in my head. I’ve alluded to just getting off a merry go round and that’s as close as I can describe the feeling. It sucks!!!!
Read about a little bicycle ride up on one of the steepest hills in LA, 32% grade and only a long block long. If I was still running I’d like to try going up it and beating most of the bikers going up. That would be fun!
Posted on FB about the 1 year anniversary of my comma: got 39 likes and 10 comments which really makes me feels good. That’s a lot considering I am really not widely known except among lots of my running friends
Nancy told me last week my deposition is now April 18th. We’ll see how that goes. Really anxious to do it, get it over and get everything settled. I know it will probably be a few months before we reach a settlement.
Just thinkin about my aches and pains: There is no doubt most everything is due to the accident. About the only pains/aches./mobility that cannot be absolutely tied to the accident is the vision in my right eye, the tinnitus and a little eczema on my face. My vision might have deteriorated over a much longer time but I just don’t know. I’m very sure the knock on the head and 2 month coma DID NOT help my vision. The tinnitus is probably a result of the accident but no way to be certain.
Do I really need to set goals? If I was 40 or 50 and still working I would say YES! Even as a old fart I think I still need to set goals but of a completely different sort. I don’t think goals of financial independence, being an outstanding landscape contractor, or having a Gee Whiz web page are needed goals at this stage. I’ve had physical goals all along, especially since the accident and could think of doing different races and the pace I might like to acheive. I’ve just not written them down. It would probably be better if I did write some down and strive for those. Think I will start writing those down in a separate file and see how well I do. I have been keeping track of all my walks, real and treadmill, in a excel spreadsheet but will see if I can add some weekly goals and so maybe by summer I can be a walking fiend.
Almost at the of the month, 3-26 . Jumped off the treadmill ½ mile in 14:15 Wow, that is a good one, remember when 1 mph was really too much and now I can finish at 3 mph. Coming along.
Tuesday 3-31 Really felt good this morning, hand was not quite as numb or stiff, Tinnitus was quite, and since I felt good a 2 mile walk around the block was in order. Did it in an hour 20 min. Just a little faster than last week. And I did lay down for a wee bit afterwards. Called an acupuncturist today and she does offer a free consultation. Think I’ll take her up on that next week. She seems to be really good and a number of good reviews.
Just read a runners blog about a good runner that suffers from acute clinical depression and how running has helped him overcome his illness. I think I’d like to do something like that too. Lots of people say I am inspiration and maybe so, just don’t really feel like it yet. Nevertheless, I do know I’ve accomplished lots and if I was not in ultra marathon condition at the time of the accident I probably would not writing this. It remains to be seen if I can run again but I sure gonna try to walk, lots. Maybe even try some easy trail races. The 5k and 10k races will be no problem and really not that much of a challenge other than the time. You see, trail running is my motivation, the stuff of life, being around friends that can encourage you to be better. I know several people that I’ve introduced to trail running and they are hooked. Two ladies are even doing lots of trail ultras.
As I review March, I see I’ve written a lot, much more than I ever expected. When March first stated I thought I’d be able to get 2 /3 pages, Now I am up to 5 pages and still a couple days left in March.