May/June 2012 Once the challenge/setbacks were over I felt I really progressed in June.

Chapter 5

May/June 2012

May 1 Tuesday  Today is another momentous anniversary  day, the day I came home from the rest home a year ago (May 2011) and saw that neighbors had put up a BIG “Welcome Home” sign, that was so sweet! I was in a wheelchair and would be for a few more weeks. I was so weak I could do virtually nothing; thank goodness, we had a live in nurse for 2 months but that was a year ago.

Well, shot another 2 hours or so reading blogs.  One about a 71 year young gentlemen riding his Elliptigo from SC to San Diego for his boot camp 50 years ago and for the Semper Fi  Project , what a inspiration.   I really would like to do something like that but first I don’t think I can go cross-country on a bike w/o going on roads, I need to stay on paved bike paths because I am still a wussy bout roads. Another blog is about a guy doing a thru hike on the Pacific Crest Trail from southern Ca to Canada, about 2650 miles!  If I could sleep in a bed every other night, I think I’d to try that too.

Damn, another cool, cloudy grey day.  Really wanted to walk a bit in the sun since I’ve not done much in the last several days but I did do some exercises this morning and should do more, like right now.

I really like calling friends but I am careful not overdo it, my phone lists all my calls/dates so I just make sure to check it.  About every 1 monthly should be fine.

May  1 Boy, did I ever do a good one.  I walked over to Ralphs for the first time to get some coffee and forgot my billfold.  Ended up doing a slow 1.2-mile walk. Bet I don’t forget my billfold again.

Thur  May 3  Today I went to Dr Yoo for another round of the laser/infrared treatment and my feet do feel better, they are still numb but do not hurt when I walk.  Also, Bianca at PT worked on my ankle and it feels better, the shoulder pain is just about gone.  Slight problem, hip now hurts when it was just stiff before but it’ll probably be better tomorrow.  Talked with my cuz Don for an hour and he suggested I try a hot bath with Epsom salts.  The Epsom salts are supposed to draw out toxins in the skin making you feel better.  This is my excuse go walk to Ralphs and I will not forget my billfold this time.

Friday, my feet definitely feel better, now just a little numb but no longer walking on crushed gravel and my ankle still hurts just a little.  The shoulder is better with just has a slight ache and my hip is much bette

Did a longish walk and actually feel pretty good other than just a wee bit tired.  Nancy will be late and so a hot bath will be a good way to kill another 30 minutes or so.  I did do a sloooowww jog/run back and forth in the house for just a few feet.  I CAN RUN!  sorta!  I do not dare to try this outside, sure as heck someone that should not see me will!

Ordered a new flexible ankle brace a few days ago and they came in today.  I want to use  them instead of compression socks that are the devil to get on and unless they are on just right the creases at the ankle causes a blood wound. I did use the new flex ankle today and could probably use that instead on the regular brace.  Lots and lots cheaper, 10 bucks vs. 300 or so for the carbon fiber brace. And I can wear regular shoes, but I’ll stick with the regular brace for now for just in case someone sees me

May 5 Sat    Saw friends/customers at the Fullerton College plant sale today and of course, Helen commented on how good I good.  Damn it, if only I felt as good as I look.  I am really out of it today, my good eye really seems like the focusing is on a delayed cycle and it is bugging the heck out of me.  My head is really off today and I really feel like I’ve been hit by a bus! I really don’t feel bad, just not all together. Maybe it is time for a nap.   Could not nap for whatever reason, crap, I want me back and just to be a little better.

Sunday May 6  Feel like shit warmed over – I really don’t feel terrible but my head is on really crooked today, tinnitus seems worse today, my eye hurts and is red, just don’t feel like doing anything, nothing at all. But on the good side, my ankle does seems a bit better and I am using the flex brace nearly 24 hours daily.  Sleepy as all get out but I think if I took a nap that would not bode well for me later on.  I did just a little pt exercises this morning but my heart was not really in it.

Monday   Damn, now I am battling an eye infection and pink eye in the left eye.  Now I really cannot see worth a damn and besides it hurts .  And that goes along with everything else that hurts or is poorly functional.  Cripes, I do not need this.  Please, just one thing, or two, at a time.  Oh well, with the eye drops, ointment, allergy pills, and nose spray at least this should be under control within a few short days.

Feel better, kinda!, today but dang it, the ointment for the eye is like putting a glob of Vaseline on the eyeball.  Takes a lonnnnggg time to see decently.  Even though I do feel a little better, it is not anywhere like I was a couple of weeks ago.   What great day to be out, warm and sunny and cruddy do I just do not really feel like doing much.  Later today:  I am so tired of taking 2 steps forward and 4 back.  Seems like it is every few weeks that happens:  leg clots, hernia, hematoma and mrsa infection and now pink eye and eye infection.  Damn it, all I want to is get better, and stay that way.  I don/t need any more challenges.

Crap, eye is really worser today and I can just barely see with my left eyelid swollen.  At least it does not throb and hurts only just a little.  Really do not feel terribly bad, just do not want to do anything: no walking, no scrabble, no nothing. Hell, I suppose it could be worse and for that I am grateful.  But still, all I want is just to heal and be done with all this crap.  I’ll give Dr. Quon a call about my eye shortly and go from there.

Me thinks I am doing a lot of bitching this week, it is true I am bitching lots this week cause I don’t know what else to do to make myself better. I did go for ultrasound today for my legs to see if there are any remaining blood clots, it’ll b e next week before I know for sure.  Jeesh, I do hope everything is clear so I can cross off one item on my long list.

Thur May 10  Deposition Day  Today was my final deposition and Ron, our attorney, said I did well, this is one day I really needed to say “Yes, Sir” “No Sir”, ”I do not remember” and I did not volunteer any information not asked for.  Nancy is supposed to do her deposition, which we did not know about!, in the next couple of weeks or so and then maybe we can get down to brass tacks and start playing hardball.  I wanna just get this over with so I can really try in earnest to getting me back.  I am doing all I can but it has been just a little under the radar.  I wanna go do some 5k walks and wear my special T-shirt, ”I really was hit by a bus, What is your excuse!”  I think that will garner a lot of attention and comments!

Eye feels better but still see like crap most of the time.  Sometimes it is good and others, everything is out of focus. Really tired now and I guess the toll of the eye infection and giving the deposition for 5 hours today or so must have taken all of my go juice. To sum up, I am tired of not being me, head not on straight, tired of infection this or infection that, tired of the tinnitus, tired of this hurts or that hurts or simply just can’t do whatever.  But, I do realize I am a long way from where I was and still have a ways to go in front of me.  At least I am surviving, maybe not thriving right at the moment but still going forward.

I’ve found that I really like lying in bed for a while in the mornings.  About the only thing that bothers me might be the tinnitus and other than that, I can really dream that I am mostly healed and doing real stuff until I am fully awake.   I might daydream a little about doing some races, with my special t-shirt, and enjoying the attention of everyone.  But… today my eye is really crappy.  I found another doctor for stem cell therapy and he seems to be real, and he is fairly close by.  That’s another seminar I’ve scheduled in about 2 weeks.  I am not grasping at straws, yet!  I am most certainly searching for ways to try to get myself better.

Nancy suggested it might be worthwhile to see a psychologist, in part because it might help our case and it really is probably a good idea just because.  Every roadblock/challenge that pops up does seem to be taking a toll on me mentally and physically.  I am so damned tired of those challenges, I just wanna heal!

As I think about her psychologist suggestion, I’ve decided it really would be good for me.  Battling the eye infection, pink eye, and tinnitus really has soured my disposition.  Don’t think I’ll go out today with Nancy and the girls for her Mother’s Day outing.  Just don’t feel up it with my crappy vision and the tinnitus being really loud today. Everything sucks and don’t really want to battle any crowds at all.  I did go with to eat after all, really was not up to it but went anyway to make Nancy happy and getting out did help. 

Tues May 15  Eye is finally getting better,  not cured but a hell of lot better than Sunday.  And I feel better so I might try a little walk this afternoon when it is not so glary.   Haleys bedroom carpet shampooed so it should be nice and clean.

Damn, really fallen off my goal of at least ½ mile per day higher walking or treadmill. I think there’s good reasons:  the weather was kinda cool, windy and rainy, not the weather I really want to be out in.  Second, the eye infection has really done a job on me. Today I wanted to get back on track but felt really tired this afternoon and just not in the mood for anything.  In addition, CVS pharmacy is a joke and totally incompetent.  I’ll not go there anymore but Nancy likes because it is convenient.  Even when the eye doctor faxed a refill in they would not refill because it was too soon.  Thankfully, Nancy found the eye drops.  It seems I must have knocked it off the bathroom counter and a certain dog picked it up and took it, not to her usual spot for contraband but somewhere else pretty close by and I missed it.

Look, I don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive you’ve got to flap your arms and legs, you’ve got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you’re not alive.” Mel Brooks  That is a very good summation of life but right now I really don’t feel like flapping my arms or doing much of anything. I will be so glad to just be a little more alive if I can get rid of this damn eye infection.  

Damn, if I did not have glaucoma issues Dr Quon would have given me steroid drops and that would have cleared the inflammation almost immediately.  But… as always with me there is a Catch 22.  If I take steroid drops the eye pressure zooms, more problems will happen, and that is not good.  Damn, why can’t anything be simple with me?  I’ve said it before a number of times,  I just wanna heal, or least get something that works, somewhat, and get back to walking and having a bit of life.  In no particular order:  feet are numb, eyes are crappy, tinnitus is sometimes really loud, ankle hurts, shoulder hurts at times, and surprisingly, the hip is the least of my concerns.
My mind thinks a lot like a 25 year old but the body behaves like it is 90, posted on FB today.  Yeah, I’ll admit to looking at the cute girls but really rather be out running on the trails with them.  How do you know when you are really into trail running?  When you are just about ready to go and a young lady is changing her bra into a running bra and you just look at your watch and tell your running buddy, “we gotta get going!” 

“It’s impossible” said pride. “It’s risky” said experience. “It’s pointless” said reason. “Give it a try” whispered the heart, another good saying from FB.  Don’t think I’ve said this before:  “Even if we get a good settlement, I would give it all back, and then some, to have 1 ½ or 2 seconds more to get out of the way of that damn bus and at least not have all the traumatic injuries”.

Even with a good settlement I have no wants to go on a round the world cruise, get a new house or a major rebuild on our current house.  All we’ll do is some stuff we’ve talked about before like refinishing the wood floors, refinishing the cabinets, repainting and all that is stuff I would have done anyways.  I did refinish a floor in of the boy’s old rooms before the accident and now looks great.  It was work and now really cannot do anything like that.  Well, I might be able to but it would take me weeks/months to do one room whereas the one room took about 4 days total. 

There are a couple of inexpensive things I would like to have for my own use: another Garmin 310 since the one I had apparently grew legs.  The other is a Canon point and shoot camera.  All of mine have died and just would like a real camera rather than an I phone for photos.  Just found out there are used cameras I like on Ebay for next to nothing.

 I have no interest in being a fashion statement, just would like one decent general-purpose suit, 3 or 4 pairs of Dockers, and several nice shirts.  Absolutely not: expensive shoes, $2000 suits, $200 shirts, etc. it is not me. The $200 meals are not me, I really enjoy beans and cornbread, a bottle of beer or a glass of modestly priced wine.

One thing I am definitely interested is me getting better whether there is some kind of vitamins, micro electric current, stem cells, acupuncture, or whatever that will help. One thing I am sure will help is an infrared sauna and I already know which one I will order. I will do my due diligence on the other things and go from there.  Eyes, feet, numb fingers, everything!   Course I will not spend $50,000 for something. But… maybe it may not be too far out!

Finally felt good enough to take a long walk around the block for maybe 1.3 miles in about 52 min, which is not too bad considering I’ve not really walked since May 4th!  But that was all I really wanted today. Even though the feet are still numb; the hurt seems to have subsided a bit.  Another catch 22:  If I don’t walk cause the feet all the comeback fitness will quickly leave me so I just put up with a little discomfort for now.

Such a nice day I did another 1/4 mile Heidi and gosh, I am tired.  That time off from walking really caused me to lose a lot of stamina, dang it!

Friday evening Fricking eye is still crappy and bugging me to no end.  See almost as good w/o glassed as with the glasses.  Damn, why does everything have to be a catch 22?  All I want is for something to be well:  fingers, feet, eye, tinnitus, shoulder, anything!  I did call a local psychologist today to ask about his fees but he out of the office until June 12th.  Saw some others but this one seems to be more in line with me.

Sat:  Eye is still crappy damn, damn, damn!   I know it could be lots worse but…..  I am going out for a long walk as I can make it and don’t give a damn about how tired I might be afterwards.  I might try to walk to Garden of Weeden with Austin on the Fullerton Loop.  I’ll measure the distance when I get back.  Saw Terri today at Ralphs? and now going to a Snails party tonight, yea!  Was not going to ask anybody to take me cause I don’t want to be a bother.  It’ll be good to play catch up with everyone at the party.

I certainly did enjoy myself last night: had a bottle of beer, a half shot of good tequila, a sip of sangria, good food, and saw a few old friends.  We played lots of catch up.  Today, however, my eyesight still sucks:  cannot read a newspaper or the computer screen very easily with or without glasses or reading glasses and that sucks big time.  Tomorrow we’ll out find how I am really doing when I visit Dr. Quon and with my luck it’ll probably not be good.  Damn it!!!!!!   Later I go the eye seminar with Dr. Steinblock.  At any rate, it’ll be an interesting day.., 

Going to try another long walk, it is warm and sunny so maybe that will help my disposition. I did, I may it do again about 6 when it cools off some and I get my go juice back a little,  Whoo, Hoo, that’s 2 for right now and maybe another 2 this evening.  By far the most in one day.

Shit, I am really in a foul mood, cannot see worth a damn out my left eye, cannot read or really watch TV.  Tried calling a couple friends but nobody is around..  You ask how I type w/o seeing?  Well, I know the keyboard and my nose is about 8” away from the monitor.  Still have not figured out how to make Vista internet type bigger.

Monday May 21  Left eye is a tiny bit better, I can sometime read the small newspaper print, can read the monitor without too much trouble and I am going to the eye doc in about an  hour so we‘ll see what he says. Walked 2 miles, it was warm and sunny and worked up a real sweat,  Oh that felt good.  I even had to change clothes cause they were a bit wet and needed to be clean before the visit with Dr.Quon.

Now I have some kind of yellow particles in the eye that is not good and have no idea where they came from.  Now trying to get an emergency appt with Dr. Boyce, my regular Ophthalmologist.  I did go to Healing The Eye seminar with Dr Kondrot and I really want to go in Aug to their new facility in Tampa.  It’s half price ($3,100) and even at full price it would be a bargain if it even works some.  He seems to have a great program and has the credentials, ophthalmologist and board certified homeopathic doctor, to back it up.  The seminar was in the office of Dr Steenblock who does stem cell therapy.  I will do a bit further research to see if there is any help there.

Whoo Whoo!  Slept for 2 or 3 nights in a row without having to stumble around to go take a whizz.  I vividly remember the last few weeks in the hospital and with the live in nurse having to have 2 or 3 pee bottles handy every night.  Just could not get up and go walk by myself, sure glad that is past.

The ophthalmologist had good news today, the yellow particles were not seen but there is a viral infection so I’m taking more eye drops and go back in one week!    Eye is somewhat better today, I can see, most of the time, the I phone and read the paper.  That’s a far cry from just a couple of days ago when I could not read or watch TV.  Distance is still a bit blurry but we’ll wait and see what happens next.

Thur   May 24  Just finished a long walk and damn I phone stopwatch sucks.  Just a teeny, tiny wrong touch resets everything on the stopwatch.  Damn it!  Gonna load a new I phone app and see if that is any better.  Knocked out about 3.5 miles today and worked up another sweat, feels so good.  Actually running, if you can call 24-28 min per mile pace running.   Well. It feels like running to me and that is all that counts.  I am so ready to do a 5 or 10k run  and I also want to go to the Healing the Eye in FL for their 3 day treatment program.   I’ll ask Dr. Liu next week what he thinks of the program.  If I can get my vision back (pre-accident days) I will be ecstatic, then there is no doubt I’ll be able to again drive.

Oh, I almost forgot the big news:  I am no longer on blood thinners.  That means real food like spinach, broccoli, carrots, etc.  Yeah!!!! And oh yeah, more beer! And wine too!  That is really a big deal and there is more one medicine I really want to drop, the cholesterol reducing stuff. Maybe the next time I see Dr. Asher I’ll ask about it.  All the other pills are mostly vitamins and one for tinnitus so those are not a real concern.

The day is cruddy, cool, grey and windy.  I really wanted to go for a long walk but the weather is doing me in.  Maybe in a year I’ll be a better able to handle days like this.  As I contemplate the coming months about all I want to get physically better.  I already know that walking is in the bag and maybe a bit of running is not too farfetched to least at dream a little about it.   This is pure speculation but I think it would be cool if Trail Runner magazine did a little article about my comeback from just an average trail runner, losing nearly 2 years in a horrific accident, and then getting back on the trails.  I fully accept I will never be competitive except maybe in the really, really old farts group. There I might have a chance since there are not that many of us really old farts out there. I already know Greg Hardesty will do a great write up for the OC Register when all legal issues are settled.  In the past I might have not wanted any attention but now, it’s nice to be seen.

Skip and I went to the Fullerton Farmers Market last night and got to see a couple of folks I had not seen in a while.  Even had a beer and it hit the spot.  A little cooler than I wanted but a long shirt and pants did me fine but I really would like to have a Brazilin Butt so I can set for a while on a hard seat.

Flashback:  Trying to remember all the visitors that came by to see me.  Nancy did have a visitors log so everyone could sign it.  Sure glad they did cause I only remember bits and pieces.  Not sure if I mentioned this before but my cousins, Don and Morton, from the Dallas, TX area came out for a few days.  They stayed at our house and then visited me at the rest home several times.  Don’t have a real clear memory of all the visitors but do remember Leo, Don Gertz, Jean Ho, Doug and Terri, Mike and Tammy and others I just cannot remember.

Sunday May 27  Nancy, her sister Pat, and Micki returned from Hawaii Friday and they had a great time.  Nancy said she was worried about my eye but it slowly seems to be getting better.  Pat has left to go back home in Globe, AZ, I always enjoy having her around and she’ll be back in a couple of weeks for Austin’s graduation.

Mick and I went to the Nanny Goat 12/24 hour run in Riverside Sat night.  I did not even enter even though I had plans months ago to at least walk for 12 hours.  The hernia greatly interfered and more importantly, I don’t want to be superman just yet, the legal issues are still there. So maybe this fall I can enter lots of races/walks and really later earn a medal for the Nanny Goat in 2013.  I did walk a 1-mile loop with Micki and got a really cool medal from Steve Harvey, the RD, There are so many great people in the Trail Headz club.

When I go back to the ophthalmologist Wed.  I’ll be sure to ask about the Healing the Eye Program.  Probably will go unless he flatly tells me it is a total waste and even then I’ll look carefully into it.

Nancy and Pat probably would like me to do very little walking outside till everything is settled.  It’s tough for me not doing anything so walking is about the extent of something I enjoy and do semi semi well especially when the weather in nice, like today. I rather not have the cane at all but I do use it every time I walk outside for just in case.  Do I need to walk hills?  I really want to get me better and hills are a significant part of the program.  But what if someone from the other side saw me walking the hills or a video surfaced? Guess I’d better ask Ron, but damn it, I need/want to walk so I guess better to be safe than sorry.

I think I have an idea why I continue to write several times weekly:  It gives me something to do since I have lots and lots of time, can’t really do much else and I guess, a way to monitor my process, my starts and stops, up/downs, mood of the day/week, dreams and aspirations. I read earlier entries and think of something else that may/may not be worthwhile to note and as it is pondered, I may/may not add something else to the journal.

Just thinking a bit about my health right at the moment:  tinnitus comes and goes, sometimes it is barely there and other times it is very distracting.  My feet do not seem to hurt as much when I walk but the numbness is still there, my eye is very slowly getting better and balance seems to be better also.  Hip is tolerable meaning it does not really hurt too much but I do have quite limited range of motion.  Shoulder still bothers me some but I survive all the aches.  Head seems to be on little better at times, perhaps something to do with vision improving? Still need a Brazilian Butt so sitting is easier.

May 29  Tuesday   Damn, I am so ready for everything to be settled so I can really do something.  I’m pretty sure that if Ron and Nancy had their way with me I would only walk in front of the house where it is flat and do like  a robot, back and forth, back and forth dozens of times. Hell, if it was not for the legal issues I’ really be pushing myself like walking up to Laguna Lake and back, 6 miles round trip, and doing a little sorta run for a bit of the way. I really want to do that twice daily for a while and really start working on my endurance. After that, I have no idea, but somewhere/something. 

I am doing at least a little something:  planted a small garden and now have 10 or so tomato, eggplants, kale, green peppers and the like.  That should be enough to keep me occupied for a bit every day or so.  Oh, almost forgot Nancy got some foot lotion that is supposed to warm the feet.  It does but I can just barely feel it but it does feel good.  Also, got some very good mango pineapple preserves that is yummy, yummy! And a cool long sleeve T-shirt from Hawaii.  Working just a tiny bit on the koi pond and really would like to do some major revamping like adding a several larger rocks, new lights, and maybe an electronic gizmo to keep the algae completely at bay.

Since I ‘m kinda prohibited from walking much I think the patio needs a good power washing and the truck needs a bath.  That’ll be my chores for tomorrow.  Looks like I still have to go to another doctor, he is an expert witness for the other side.  Should I give him my health issues list I made several months ago? Perhaps I should talk with Ron about this and the appt is on a Wed so Nick can take me, or Nancy if she gets off work.  I am so looking forward to this, confrontation, not the right word.  What is the right word? engagement?Image

 Steve Harvey Nanny Goat May 2012

Steve Harvey, Nanny Goat 12/24 hour RD, summed my life up very nicely, “Getting hit by a bus may have wracked Leon’s body but it didn’t dampen his enthusiasm for our sport…”       I like it, making my day!   FB is great!

Well, since no serious walking is in sight for me for a while I jumped on the treadmill for a fast ¼ mil, 5 minute and that is excellent.  When 20 or 30 minutes is doable at 3.5 mph (18.20? min mile) I’ll really be happy.  Vividly remember when ¼ mile at 1 mph was hard , that was before I found out how to go in increments of .1 mph. 

June 1  Friday   Did it again today, another fast 5 minutes on the treadmill. Really going too fast but it is hard to be a slow poke when I really want to do something, anything.  There was a great article in the OC Register about the Santa Ana River Trail.  It now goes all the way to Riverside and San Bernardino counties for a total of 43 miles from the Pacific Ocean to the current end.  And, hopefully, one day it will extend all the way the Big Bear Lake for a total of 110 miles.  Wow, a century ride without ever getting on a road.   Boy, when I get my Elliptigo late summer/early fall I will be out there racking up the miles.

I have noticed I am going to bed later and later.  It used to be I was really ready for bed before 9 pm and now it 10:30 or 11 before I hit the sack, and going to sleep easier.  I sometimes still wake up at 2 or 3 am but if I go play on the puter for about 15 minutes it is pretty easy to get back to sleep.  I tend to wakeup earlier and earlier, maybe around 8 most of the time or a little bit later.

I believe my eye is finally healed but Dr. Lui wants to finish all the eye drops and I should be fine.  Still want to go to the Healing The Eye program sometime in Sept, or whenever there is an opening.  Dr. Lui said he was not convinced but it might be worth a shot and so I really want/ need to go.  If it helps just a little, it will be worth it.

Along those lines, I talked with Dr. Quon today.  He said it was an interesting program and he too was a little concerned about the lack of solid clinical studies.  He is quite interested and if I went, he wanted to know how I did. Now I really want to get in, maybe sometime around Sept. and that will be a great excuse to see Tom and Marilyn in Ocala.  Now I really need the settlement to kick in.

My left foot seems to be not be not so numb, actually feels half way good. My right foot may have a bit more motion up and down with my toes, really need to move it lots so it will get better.  I really want to kick the quad cane; I am tired of being perceived as old and decrepit.  I don’t mind being older, it’s life but I sure don’t want to be decrepit.  I’ve the wants, the will, and enthusiasm to go out and kick some butt, even though it may be like sending a one legged man to a ass kicking contest.

I am spending a fair amount of time looking at trails on the internet with most of them being pretty close.  Once I’m ready, I’m thinking that I’ll get Austin to drive me to where I can really walk some trails and hills.  Chino State park would be a good one and there are lots others.  It may be warm when I can get out there but I don’t give a rats hairy arse!

Having a glass of wine, got the last of a bottle that was already opened and may have to open another bottle.  Probably should’nt but who cares? I don’t.

Jumped on the treadmill for a while today and it was good; did ¼ mile at 3.3 mph.  I remember back in Feb when 1.4 mph for 5 min was all I wanted.  I really need to keep this up and do this two or three times a day just to build up my speed and endurance, especially since I cannot really do much outside.

June 5  Tuesday Went to Dr Asher today primarily to see what meds I still have to take.  A couple I can stop for a while if I want and see how it is in 3 months but still on some meds for the time being.   So glad all the meds are done with except for the vitamins and stuff. 

My elliptical workouts are getting lots better.  Two months ago, I could do about 2 or 3 minutes and that was all I wanted.  Now I am up to 10 minutes and ¾ mile at lots faster pace.  Maybe in a few months the Elliptigo will be feasible. Saw a great video on You Tube (FB) about a soldier (Arthur) that made too many parachute jumps and ended up using arm crutches for 15 years.  Lost 140 pounds, is now running, and looks fantastic, I want to order the CD set when we have a bit of money, actually, pretty inexpensive.

Another good elliptical workout today, 10 min and .77 miles.   Did another ½ mile on the treadmill this evening and another good workout.  Gotta really push myself on these so I can get better.  Really rather be out doing real walks and going to Snails/Headz meetings once in a while, but, oh well. Been looking at the YouTube video  about Arthur Boorman and his amazing transformation using yoga.  Still on my bucket list to do/get.

Crap, another ache/hurt this morning.  Toes on my left foot do not like it when I walk.  If I walk w/o flexing the toes it is not too bad but really gets my attention when I try to walk normal and flex the toes. No, I have not been kickin’ arse. Never had this problem before, we’ll see if it goes away with a bit of use.  Later in the day: the left toes do feel better but it was a strange feeling. They still feel a little strange but lots better, hope it was a onetime deal.

Just doing a bit of reflection upon life:  Be sure to take great pleasure in doing the simple things: dressing yourself, tying your own shoes, the simple act of walking, going shopping, just lookin around, or to put it simply, enjoy life, family and friends to the fullest.  One never knows when everything might change in a heartbeat.  Go enjoy life and take advantage of all the good things!

I’ve mentioned before I can’t do very much in the way of walking (legal issues) but it is hell of a lot more than most fat asses watching sports all week/weekend and killing a case of beer. Did lots of PT exercises today including semi pushups.  I still can’t do real pushups because of toes/ankle so I use my knees.  It ain’t purty but it is a good workout. If I don’t kiss the floor every time I can do 10 pushups and my arms do feel it.  Just trying to do everything I can think of to get better and stronger.  Jumped on the treadmill twice today, ¾-mile and a fast /14 mile.  It’s hard for me not to try to do faster every time, really need to work on a decently fast pace and work on my endurance.  Just need not to go faster every time, just longer.

June 9  Sat   Damn, damn, damn:  left toes still hurt like hell when walking.  I do not need any more hurts, I’ve enough to deal with without adding more.  It’s nearly noon and a couple of Tylenol seems to have helped the toes.  I even walked outside to the koi pond barefoot.  Probably the first time in over 11/2 years I’ve been barefoot outside.  Hurts a little but entirely tolerable.  Now, now if I could get better vision and get rid of the tinnitus I would be really happier.  As times slips by I might be lowering my wants, I think if better vision came my way a lot of my wants/needs would be within my grasp.

Sunday  June 10 Left foot/toes is definitely better but sciatic nerve seems to be worse.  Tolerable so don’t need Tylenol or Vocidyne and that is good.  Kinda in a funky mood right now, really don’t want to do much of anything but if I could escape for a couple of hours and do a long walk I would, but I can’t.  Guess that qualifies as a bit of conundrum.  I did jump on the treadmill for a lap so kinda a fair workout.

I really can’t focus on anything, except walking, for more than a few minutes.  Always switching TV channels, reading a few pages on the Kindle, or just generally moping around trying to figure out what to do next.  This sucks big time.

Killed some more time this evening by reading several running blogs.  Golly, do I ever want to get back out there and be with friends. If I ever drive again I’ll be gone lots and lots.  There a lot of catching up I intend to do.  Mostly running but I’m sure there be lots of other things that will need tending to, like going to REI, The Snail’s Pace, meeting with Headz and Snails or ?

Wed. June 13 Actually did a small bit of real work today, cleaned off the driveway.  That is, until the blower ran out of gas and would not restart.  Crap!  Very nearly finished it too.  Maybe on Tuesday I’ll have better luck.  Oh, foot was better today but tinnitus sucks big time.

Oh boy, think I’m really in a piss poor mood right now.  Just wanna do something besides mope around the house all day.   Yeah, I can do a little bit of something but what would help best is just getting out of prison and really work on getting me back. At least my visit with the defense doctor is only 3 weeks away.  Don’t know who will take me yet but really would like Nancy to take me.  She’s good at talking with/to doctors and I think it would help my case if she were there.

Nancy had some good news tonight.  Ron said the traffic engineer said the yellow light was only 3 seconds and should be at least 5 seconds.  Like I mentioned before another 1½ or 2 seconds probably would have made a big difference.  I still might have been hit but probably on the rear of the bike and I might have had some serious injuries but nothing like a full broadside.

Tuesday is my last visit with Bianca Uy, a physical therapist, I will miss her cause she is very professional, and cute.  She’s off doing some work on her degree and I wish her the best. Have no idea who will take her place, probably some other student but I don’t mind since they’ve all been thoroughly trained and probably good to have another person work on me.

Just trying to remember if I made any comments about the bus driver.  I know he did not hit me intentionally but he did make a mistake, a big mistake.  He’ll probably have nightmares for a long time and what can I say? “Get over it!?”   I don’t think that will cut it. At some point he does need to get on with his life and I do hope everything works out well.  And for me too.

Well, Bianca is gone and have no clue when I might see her again.  She did a great job working on most of my hurts and stiffies.  I know she likes to hike so I might see her out somewhere someday.  Speaking of hurts, my left toes are really funky and hurt when flexed.    Probably all I can do is to flex them as much as possible with heel lifts, walking etc. and see if anything works.

Tinnitus is really loud tonight, toes are funky and hurt.  I think I know how to describe better, toes are numb to all heck! Hip bothers me a little but not too terribly bad and head is only sorta on.  Damn, wish I could say ”This is healed, that no longer hurts”, but not yet.  Maybe in a few months something will get better.

Ditto for tonight too.  Can’t say really much else right now except that Austin, my youngest grandson, will graduate tomorrow, June 14.  He’s like a typical teenager, good years and could have had better years but now he is through.  Whee!  We’ll do dinner tomorrow night and celebrate.

Trying to get in a better frame of mind.  My cognitive, physical and emotional challenges forced me―sometimes kicking and screaming (only somewhat screaming in my mind)―to reframe my life, and get back to the real me. I don’t think I actually kicked and screamed but perhaps I was in the mood to do so a time or two, or three.  But overall I have, I think, done better than many folks might have in the same circumstances.

Posted on FB our 43rd  anniversary and got 39 “likes” and 18 positive comments.  Whoo Hooo! Once I can post on FB about doing trails, races, etc I have no doubt there will be many “likes” and good comments. Can hardly wait.

Posted these on FB the other day: “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West    “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde   “They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.” – Thomas Brackett Reed     Lots of the old screw you sayings are great, get right to the point without being vulgar or mean.

June 15 Friday Pat, Nancy’s sister, talked about using “The Secret” and the Law of Attraction and it helped in a surprising way.  Found the cd, used, for very cheap and will probably order today.  It never hurts to have a good outlook on life regardless of your circumstances.   I do, and have been for a long-time, visualized myself out on the trails and actually running, working up a good sweat, and having fun with my friends.  I wonder if that works along with, or in conjunction, with The Laws of Attraction?  I hope it does.  I did order a used copy from EBay for next to nothing and will try it out and see what happens. Should be here in about 10 days and really want to get it started.

There is no need for me to worry about athletics foot.  I was bothered with it for some time in spite of changing socks 2 or 3 times daily, changing shoes, using medicine etc.  It would go away for a while and reappear and drove me, at times, slightly nuts.  For the last nearly 1 ½ years, no problem.  All I can say the accident, and aftermath, is one hell’vu way to get rid of it.

Regarding the traffic engineers report:  It all seems to be very much in my favor but one thing that is surprising is that there were about 40+ people who showed up at the accident: 21 police officers, 15 firefighters and 3 fire engines,6 others for something, a helicopter and paramedics and several others.  Hell, they were their own traffic jam and all for a minibus and bike accident. One thing that did catch my eye, and thank goodness, not true, was the original statement said 1 fatality.  One thing that might be of importance is that one of the passengers seems to believe I was pedaling hard as if I was trying to beat the light.  I really don’t know about trying to beat the light but I think I always pedaled hard to cross any street.

Golly, I seem to tire out all too easily.  10 or 15 minutes is about all I want for a while.  That means for me to weed my small garden it’ll take me two trips and 30 minutes.  Used to do stuff like that in 10 minutes with no problem.  But…. It’s a hell of lot more now than just a few months ago and it’ll get better.

“You have to wonder at times what you’re doing out there. Over the years, I’ve given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement.”- Steve Prefontaine.   It really does boil down to self –satisfaction and sense of achievement.  Going out for a long great trail run does give one self-satisfaction and achievement and you just feel good and/or a good tired.

June 18  Fathers Day   It was a good day, especially I became owner of a new BBQ grill and it got used to make tri-tip, sausage, chicken, and beans.  It was all good. All in all, a good day in lots of ways.  Great wife, daughters, and grandsons and I actually felt pretty good most of the day.  Tinnitus was mostly at bay, head seemed to be on fairly good, nothing really hurt, just the usual aches and pains but ankle does seem to be achy but not too bad.

Doing part of my due diligence in researching  Dr, Steenblock and his stem cell treatments.  He was censured by a medical board but after reading his David and Goliath piece on alternative medicines it seems he was NOT really given a fair chance by Quackbusters.  We read all the time about some prisoner being freed after a long prison term because the prosecutor did a piss poor job, deliberately withheld evidence, or witness lied. Why should medical boards be any different? http://biotheorist.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/goliath-v-david.pdf

Talked with one of my old Celanese coworkers today, it has been probably almost 19 or so years since we talked.  He is still doing the same thing as we were years ago when I was laid off during the layoff craze of the mid 80’s and still feel I was screwed, but not gonna tell him that, though.  He may come out in a few months to see his sister in Newport Beach and we’ll have a cold beer then.  It’ll be fun to catch up and visit.

Started walking around the block again.  Pace is not too bad, considering I’ve not walked hard for several weeks.  Be so glad when I can start venturing out again and really working on getting me back.  Meanwhile, there’s lots of PT exercises and yard work to do so I better get cracking.

Wed. June 20  Wow, I seem  to be in a lots better mood today, I was not really in a bad mood, just kinda funky.  Did some pt exercises, went around the block for a 1-mile walk in 28 min. and got a haircut.  Also cleaned the oven and my new BBQ grill, been busy today and it just feels lots better.  I have no confirmation yet but I think my positive visualization (The Secret) about everything does have some benefit besides making me feel a little better.

Seems the better mood is carrying over today even though I got up later,9.30 am, then I really wanted to.  Did several of my pt exercises (10 real pushup – on knees) and got busy again just doing stuff.  And thinking lots of positive thoughts!  I did, Whoo Hoo, a mile in 26:15 so the times are getting better and sweated just a little and that feels good.

I’m so easy to make lunch for myself:  Been making smoothies with bananas, applesauce, strawberries, maybe a touch of agave syrup, maybe peanut butter, and…? Of course, I forgot to mention ground flaxseed to help my cholesterol. It’s easy, cheep, good, and good for me.  What else can I ask for?  Really been watching what I eat: quantity, very little fats, cheese or dairy, little refined sugars, lots of almond milk along with ground flax seed.  Walking helps burn a few calories but I can’t wait till I can go out for a several hour walk.

Along that same line, I’ve been making my own energy bars just using dates, dried figs, dried prunes, dried fruit, coconut flakes, and ground nuts.  They are so good I make a small batch every few days and use them as snacks throughout the day.  And I do feel kinda guilty because it is like sneaking a bit of chocolate in now and again.

Double Whoo Hoo!  A mile in 25:47.   My speed is way faster, I can lap the block in 6:13 and it used be 14-15 min per lap, so I’m a bit more than twice as fast  J  I did pt tonight and Jamie, the new therapist, has me doing some more exercises for my ankle and hip.  Probably try to double/triple on them.

Friday June 21  Skip and Mike Miller invited me for lunch today, yeah!  It is nice to be remembered.  I’m pretty sure if I did not show up at the Snails or Headz meetings once in awhile, post on FB, and do emails I’d probably fade off in the sunset.  I wanna be here, I wanna be now and that partly the reason I try to stay active. Beside it does help, I think with my well being and keeping on a even keel. 

Did another walk today at a warm 3 pm, 1 ¼ miles at a decent pace and got to sweat some more, whoopee! When Nancy and Pat suggested I no longer walk far from the house, I was disappointed but I understood why.  I resigned myself to just doing the block and at first really did not want to do that, it was beneath me and no challenge doing it.  Well, I’ve sorta changed my tune; I’ve made it a challenge to walk faster and do repeats maybe even twice a day.  I can get my heart rate up a little and get a little short of breath, that all is good.   It helps the block is almost exactly ¼ mile so it is easy to track my minutes per mile pace and each lap.  But, I still want my Garmin back so I can check my heart rate easily.

For the last few days I really feel like starting to take Mel Brooks quote to heart about flapping your arms and legs and jumping around a lot and being alive instead of dead.  Feels so good to be in a better mood.

In my view ethos is about overcoming previously perceived limitations. Keep trying new things and scaring yourself, and then learn to get over it and doing it some more or differently.  That’s what I like about trail running, trying new trails, some easy, some hard, and some knock down stunningly beautiful.

Did another 3 laps around the block plus down Hillcrest Lane that adds another ¼ mile so that’s 2 1/4 miles today.  Endorphins must be kicking in J  Talked with Erin, neighbor around the corner, for a few minutes this afternoon and she did have fun on the Mud Run and wants to do it again next year.  It’s a year away and I would love to be able to run it again next year.  I’ll know for sure by the end of Dec if feasible.  I have to know by then because sign up is on New Year’s Day and it sells out in just a few hours, all 12,000 or 18,000 tickets.  I just looked at the results for this year, there are now 5 days and they are starting in waves.  If I were still running I’d place in my age group most days based on my past performance.  Don’t know if I’d ever get to back to any semblance of long ago but I am sure as hell gonna try, and try, and try.

Another reason I want to get back to me is so I can take the dogs out for walks.  Bella, she would probably do mostly neighborhoods or the Fullerton Loop.  Heidi, as slow as I am, can do long walks with me with no problem.  When I drive again I’ll probably take her all over the place but if we do that very much she’ll need to get her rattlesnake shots again and go rattlesnake training next year.

One thing I have learned during the last 1 ½ years is that visits can really be important.  When I find out a friend is in an accident or hurts I will definitely make it point to visit even if I have use Austin or Nick.  So glad Nancy had a visitors log so everyone could write something when they visited, especially since I was in a coma for 2 months and after that, in a fog for a while.

I did two walks today, 1 ½ miles and later, a 1 mile stroll.  Not my fastest time but hell, I don’t expect to have a record every time I go out.  But…my average pace seems to be improving.  One of my favorite races, I think 90% are my favorite races, was today The Billy Goat ½ marathon, “Ain’t But One Hill”.  I might have placed and gotten another cool medal.  It is definitely on my list for 2013.

Another walk accomplished today.  2 ½ miles in 1:06 and about 2 pm when it was nice and sunny and fairly warm, worked up a real honest to goodness sweat that really felt good.  My average lap speed is getting a bit better.  Back in Oct it was 14-15 min per lap and now I can do 6:30 min laps if I push a little but a realistic average Is closer to 8 min lap..  When I can get down to 5 min laps, oh boy, I will be ecstatic.

One week to the meeting with the defense doctor, should be interesting. I’ve already typed a list for Dr Kriedi a weeks ago and so I just need to update it a bit first.  I should probably send it over to Ron to get his opinion on what should be emphasized and what is best left unsaid.  Oh boy, Ron told Nancy about the email and said that I’d probably say whatever I wanted to.  I’d like to but we do have a goal and so I’ll tell the defense doctor everything that hurts or what I can’t do and not about my 2 mile walks I was doing and certainly not about the accident of which I remember nothing even after almost 1 ½ years.

June 27 Wed.   I remember too well sleeping to 9:30 almost every morning, taking an afternoon nap and be ready for bed at 8:30 or 9. Hope those days are gone:  I can stay up til 10 pm, or  a bit later, and this morning I woke up, and got up, at 6:30 am.  Need to do some PT exercises and then take a 1 ½ mile walk before it gets too warm.

I did 1 1/4 miles this morning.  Later today: I feel like my ‘get up and go’ left for greener pastures, absolutely lifeless.  Not quite lifeless, but pretty darn close it.  And soooo damn sleeeeeepy! Yuck.   I still did most of my PT exercises and I am now at 10 pushups on knees and not toes.  Give me time and I might be able to do real honest pushups.  Maybe bed at 10:30 pm last night and getting up at 6:30 am has something to with my tiredness, ya think?

I do feel better today and thought of a couple things I might tackle like cleaning my closet and getting rid of some socks and stuff, working on the pressure washer, maybe a bit of weeding in the garden and of course, walking.

Just happened to think about something I read on my kindle.  What happens if you are wearing a spacesuit and you let a good fart loose from the Mexican dinner you had last night?  I sure don’t wanna find out.

A great walk late this morning, 2 ½ miles under 1:07:00. I pushed just a little bit and had one mile at just over 26 minutes.  Whoo Hoo!    I’d better take a shower before I go to PT today since I worked up a real sweat again, and feels good.  I probably ought to start my walks before 11 am before it gets too warm.  A walk and then feed my face?  And then FB? And finally, Emails.

I’m reading a Kindle book about a guy who has battled depression all his life with wild mood swings and being a total ass.  I think I at least somewhat understand his problem.   Circumstances have been most fortunate in that I have been able to keep a pretty even keel.  Yeah, I do get down a bit sometimes but we all probably feel a little “off” now and then.  I flatly refuse to do any drugs, medicine, or alcohol to get in a better mood.  I take that back, I might have one, one!, beer or a glass of wine, but no six-packs, or 2 bottles of wine.

These pages are not intended to be a self-help journal, they are for me, or a close friend, to try to remember the good times when friends visited, when I went out for a long walk, maybe did some mundane chore for the first time, or even the setbacks like the hernia, hernia operation and subsequent MRSA infection. Of course I want to remember reaching my goals, as small as they were, because they all add up to several big steps. Going from the wheelchair to the walker and finally walking, with a cane.  When the legal issues are behind me I will be in a big hurry to ditch the cane and really start doing a real power walk or slow, very slow jog.

I remember being in the rest home and just starting to use the walker and my imagination was going full force, I dreamt of doing trail races and being again somewhat competitive for an old fart and still passing a few younger folks and maybe again in a year or so that will be a reality.  At that time a 2’ step was like me trying do a 6 foot high jump, it wasn’t gonna happen so I just had to do a little attitude/goal adjustment.

I’ve ran across several recovery stories that’ve really given me encouragement that I can get better.  I’ve already mentioned Arthur and DDP Yoga, and there’s one about a drug addict that ended up doing Ironman races. A drug addict who recovers, does several Iromans, and helps others to recover is a absolutely wonderful.   I don’t know about me helping anybody but maybe in a few months my story can get out there and help others.  I think I can at least provide encouragement from another perspective.

Nancy and I drove to Running Springs up in the mountains to look at some bank property.  It’s on 78 acres with a number of pretty nice cabins. I think this was my longest ride since the accident and I did pretty well.  Looked on the Iphone and found us great place to eat, Deep Creek Cafe.  After we returned home I took a 11/4 mile walk.  I was beat when I first started but woke up nicely after a lap or 2.  Actually did 1 lap in just barely, 6 min which is my fastest time up for a lap.  Getting a little closer to my goal of 5 min lap.

On our trip today I noticed my right vision might, just might, be a teeny weensy bit better and the tilting might also be a gnats ass better.  There’ll be no complaints if I see more improvements in the next few weeks. Along with that my head seems to be on a little straighter.  I can look at different objects while riding and don’t feel as off like I once did.

I am keeping a spreadsheet for all my walks and since Feb I have walked over 90 miles! yep 90+ miles.  Everything from a ¼ mile to 3 ½ miles.  Can’t tell you how many dozens of times I’ve done laps around our block, a bucket full!

I sometimes walk around the house without the ankle brace or flexbrace and feel as though there is a twenty pound lead weight tied to my toes, just cannot bend my foot up at the ankle.  Ugh!]

Going to name my story “I Really Was Hit By a Bus!  What’s Your Excuse?”  Think that might garner some attention?  Hope to order the Tshirts soon and I’ll be starting a new chapter today since May and June is quite long enough.

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